2842 - throst54 - Fri Aug 31, 2001 7:52pm

A bright light occurs. 100 dwarves appear in front of the church. balista's shoot down the doors and windows. Aimiskro the Warrior-Wizard in charge of his dwarven clan points his magnificent mithril axe (smithed by Split's smithy 'TOM') charges the door. Then a faint blue light occurs and then the ESA clan is on scene. Jaeden ESA (amroth's twin) pulls out her hammer and runs up along side Aimiskro. The elven catapults unleash huge smouldering hot boulders through the church. Dwarves and elves in unison demolish the church, taking no prisoners. the ESA's division of fairies are fling around making sure that no one escapes alive. The evil church is over with. none shall ever have to deal with it's god again. after thier job is done all dissaper the way they came, all for Aimiskro and Jaeden, who walk into the BFT. order a round of ale and talk of better way of taking out the church.

--Throst

2846 - Shrsholn - Fri Aug 31, 2001 11:46pm

He ordered from Lucky, "Give me what the last guy had." Lucky gave him the swill off the bar, rung-out from the kerchif tucked into his apron.

"eer ya go mate...", Lucky said, sliding the frosted mug of 'Spitzner' to the chap.

This bloke then looked wistfully into the swirling grey-amber brew, and with a sour look, cugged it down to the dregs. Looking at the bar, he smiled, and set the mug down and walked off out into the night.

I wandered over to see what amused him, "For a good time, call Shrsholn".

Yeah, it was at my expense, but hades, he didn't know I'd been there, and seen what he'd drunk.

It got me to thinking, 'life's funny, strangers like snooker balls colliding on the bumper table where winning means dropping into a dark hole with all the others...'.

I called Lucky, "Hey Lucky..."

"Yeah Shrsholn?"

"Gimmie what the last guy had."

"but...-"

"Just give it to me. If he drinks here, I'll drink here too."

My elbows on the bar, and the grey-snail sliding down my parched throat, I looked out over the other patrons, rolling their dice, and taking their chances too...

2865 - hobbit_king - Sat Sep 1, 2001 0:47pm

"I have a funny one for you Shipy. Some guy come in here the other day, Big Jack Brass was his name I think, and he said Lucky, do you know what a hoe-bit is. Of course I said, yes, their short little guys with hairy feet. And Jack said no, their a small morsel of a dismembered prostitute." Lucky burst out laughing.

I grunted a little not amused and pointed to the writing on the wall behind the bar that read, "...feindishly bested by K. ST.A who is laughing at you."

"Right Shipy, more work less talk." The one-armed, one-legged, one-eyed bartender straightened his apron and hobbled away. His wooden leg making an odd thumping noise as he walked.

I took a sip from my mug and spoke to Shrsholn. "I was always told the more insignificant you are cosmically the better chance you have of simply dying in your sleep."

2866 - Shrsholn - Sat Sep 1, 2001 1:28pm

He seemed more than a little embaressed, but hobs are cutest when they blush.

"So, did you hear about the dwarf mobilization coming into town?", I asked, peering a bit nervously at the door.

>"Rumors", he replied, feigning disinterest.

"Yeah, it seems someone got a dwarven wizard killed around here, and now his clan is coming into town to punnish the local Cult of the Death Goddess...hades knows what for, after all, he'd joined that party hunting down ole' Trask.", I informed him.

There was a long pause, then, "Is that so?" the hob replied, looking quite detached. It was probablly what we'd been drinking, cause it had left a bad taste in my mouth too...

2868 - hobbit_king - Sat Sep 1, 2001 2:56pm

"At least us hobbit's have one thing going for us, we can tell the good guys from the bad guys. Let's see, big, mean, hairy, bad teeth, foul breath, called Eric, ugly, carrying a red sword...yup, must be evil... heh heh heh."

"See Shrs.... you don't mind if I call you Shrs do you?" Shrsholn gave me one of those quizzical glares that women often give you that you have no idea it means. "I've adventured before, a lot of times, it's true. Frell I've even been party leader more times than Frodo has fingers. They always tell you something like; The bad news is, only a small party of people can sneak through. But they never tell you, the good news is your party is about to get a LOT smaller."

I fumbled in my pocket and then pulled out some lint and some mints. I never knew when I was going to get lucky (and I'm not talking that other Lucky either). "Care for a breathmint?"

Shrsholn looked at the lint and mints in my pudgy hand and shook her head no. I took one and put it in my mouth, spitting the lint out.

"I do know a thing or two about cults. See there was the Goblin Cult, then there was the Blue Oyster Cult. Tell me about this Death Goddess Cult Shrs." I blinked my eyes a few times. Shrsholn was getting better looking. I sipped more of my dark swill, ignoring the bad taste. That was what the breathmint was really for. To kill the bad taste of the cheap booze.

2878 - Shrsholn - Sat Sep 1, 2001 5:44pm

He'd been pounding the swill harder and harder as he'd been inspecting me.

Sure, I wasn't much of a looker, but after a few strong drinks, just about any kindred found me appealing.

Must be my magnetic personality.

Nah.

"Well, I've heard it rumored that Lerotra'hh, you know, the ruler of Khazan, -- well, some of her most loyal sycophants -- that is brown-nosers -- have decided that since she's so terrible and powerful (and hot, to boot!), and seeing as no one has yet really defeated her, well these snots have decided that she actually is worthy of veneration. They've based their adulation on a cruel wolf-b of a woman. Bound to go wrong there, eh?", I offered.

"You want to hear about some really uppity hobbits? Martial artists, equipped with hand dokyu, and anti-TTYF medallions. Sheesh! They're harder to get rid of than roaches -- the insects, that is...", I quipped.

The little fellow was wobling on his seat, so I steadied him. "What's your take on all the business in the Tavern, 10% off the top? We should get some organized gambling in here, turn a tidy profit. Whaddaya say? We can split each night's haul, 60/60..."

2879 - hobbit_king - Sat Sep 1, 2001 6:13pm

SAVING ROLLS (2D6) (Must roll 5 or up.)
lst Level: 5..............5th Level: 23
2nd Level: 8...........6th Level: 28
3rd Level: 13..........7th Level: 33
4th Level: 18..........8th Level: 38

PERSONAL ADDS: -2 + 5 + 8 = 11,

ADVENTURE POINTS: 64,784

WEIGHT POSSIBLE: 700 weight units (equal to 70 pounds.) WEIGHT CARRIED: 660 units (equal to 66 pounds.),

LANGUAGES: Common Tongue, Hobbit, Dwarf, Elf.,

NATIONALITY & PLACE OF RESIDENCE: Khazan,

ARMOR / SHIELD: Total Hits Takable 9. Leather Armor (Weight 200, Cost 50, Hits Taken 6.) Buckler (Weight 75, Cost 10, Hits Taken 3.)

WEAPONS: Staff Sling (it does 3d6 + your Personal Adds) 3 dice + 11 (Weight 100, Cost 8, Range 150 yards, Requires two hands to use.) Short Sabre (it does 3d6 + 1 + your Personal Adds) 3 dice + 1 + 11 (Weight 30, Cost 40, Length 2 feet.)

EQUIPMENT: clothes, backpack, provisions 3 days, 1 water skin 2 days, short sabre, buckler, leather armor, sling staff, belt, lockpicking tools, 30 feet of silk rope, 1 piton hammer, 10 pitons, 100 stones (wt. 50), Mr. Beezer's "toof" (on a string), naked picture of Desuma, a book entitled D'Nali containing a gateway to Lennoxa, Bela's homeworld.

TREASURE: 0 Gold, 78 platinum dragons, 1 bent silver, (5) - Healing potions (heals 3d6)

HOBBIT ABILITIES / HINDRANCES: Infravision 90', May locate traps on a level 2 Saving Roll if looking for them.

2880 - Shrsholn - Sat Sep 1, 2001 7:18pm

-Shrsholn

2883 - hobbit_king - Sat Sep 1, 2001 9:40pm

1st level: +2 to Luck
2nd level: +4 to Luck
3rd level: +3 to Constitution
4th level: +4 to Constitution
5th level: +5 to Constitution
6th level: +6 to Charisma
7th level: +3 to Intelligence
8th level: +4 to Dexterity

Arrogance is a skill, thanks again for jinxing it Shrs!

A: Add new level number to Strength
B: Add ½ new level number to Intelligence
C: Add twice new level number to Luck
D: Add new level number to Constitution
E: Add ½ new level number to Dexterity
F: Add new level number to Charisma
G: Add ½ new level number to Strength and ½ to Constitution

. . . and so the Orc brother says, 'That's not a Ringwraith, that's my wife!' Gwa ha ha! Whoa, tough room. Orc sword... check. Suitable spell... suitable spell... SUITABLE SPELL... uh-oh... I see dead hobbits....

2886 - Shrsholn - Sun Sep 2, 2001 0:17am

-"ShrzzsShooolln!"

2887 - Shrsholn - Sun Sep 2, 2001 1:16am

Shippy the Cunning

Hobbit Rogue 8th Level
70,000 Adventure Points

Skill Points: 21 (INT:13 + Level 08)
Stat. Points: 14 (14 possible)

CON: 09 SPD: 10 INT: 11 ESS: 14 \-'Original 3d6'
STR: 14 DEX: 11 CHR: 10 LCK: 11/
---------------------------------------------
CON: 19 SPD: 10 INT: 11 ESS: 14 \-Kindred Mods.
STR: 09 DEX: 16 CHR: 10 LCK: 11/
---------------------------------------------
CON: 25 SPD: 10 INT: 13 ESS: 14 \-Current
STR: 09 DEX: 18 CHR: 12 LCK: 13/
---------------------------------------------

Melee Modifiers: +07
Ranged Modifiers: +07
Magickal Modifiers: +16

Combat Bonus : +09/+09

Weight Possible : 700
Weight Carried : 660

Kindred Ability : Dowse Traps

Languages Spoken
: Hobbit
(+ Literate)
: Common Tongue
(+ Literate)
: Dwarf
? (+ Literate)
: Elf
? (+ Literate)

Skills-
* Covert Action Bonus +08
-------------------------
Combat : 07| Staff Sling R 03
...................| Bladed Combat (Swords) R 04
Covert : 05| Lock Manipulation R 05
General : 03| Disable Trap R 03
Athletics : 02| Tumbling R 02

================================
NATIONALITY & PLACE OF RESIDENCE: Khazan,

ARMOR:
* Leather Armor (Weight 200, Cost 50, Hits Taken 2d-01.)

SHIELD:
* Buckler (Weight 75, Cost 10, Hits Taken 1d.)

WEAPONS:
* Staff Sling 3 dice +16 (Weight 100, Cost 8, Range 150 yards, Requires two hands to use.)
* Short Sabre 3 dice + 1 +16 (Weight 30, Cost 40, Length 2 feet.)

EQUIPMENT: clothes, backpack, provisions 3 days, 1 water skin 2 days, short sabre, buckler, leather armor, sling staff, belt, lockpicking tools, 30 feet of silk rope, 1 piton hammer, 10 pitons, 100 stones (wt. 50), Mr. Beezer's "toof" (on a string), naked picture of Desuma, a book entitled D'Nali containing a gateway to Lennoxa, Bela's homeworld.

TREASURE: 0 Gold, 78 platinum dragons, 1 bent silver, (5) - Healing potions (heals 3d6)

You can compare the two writeups and that'll give you a general idea of the differences.

Welcome aboard!

2888 - hobbit_king - Sun Sep 2, 2001 11:04am

I think to myself; I wish I was wearing my magical underwear. What would Mcgiver do in this situation?

"Yeah, I know Lerotra'hh, not personally but I know her." Nods listening. "Sycophants huh... otay." I listen to her story about Hobbits. "Wow... it sounds like a real cluster frak to me, but then I say that about everything. Did I say I was single... I am. What other Unbeknownst common wisdom do you have for me pretty Shrs?"

2889 - Shrsholn - Sun Sep 2, 2001 1:18pm

I like the short, curly, mysterious types, you know...

By the time he got around to talking business, he'd basically declared his sainthood among tavern propietors, and went on and on about how he'd trained legions of elite bartenders throughout the land.

I was a charming production, and I let him sit on my lap as payment, because it was obvious he was the randy sort.

Now, the only part of the plan I needed to figure out was, how to get him to sign over the deed...

2897 - Shrsholn - Sun Sep 2, 2001 4:24pm

-Shrsholn

2906 - hobbit_king - Sun Sep 2, 2001 6:18pm

2908 - Shrsholn - Sun Sep 2, 2001 6:35pm

Are the Skill Ranks assigned to your satisfaction?

2909 - hobbit_king - Sun Sep 2, 2001 6:48pm

I gathered my wits about me (what few I still had), smiled and said. "So Shrs, you want to go upstairs and get into each other's wardrobes?" I know, I know.... I was smooth like a Hawaiian Moo Moo.

2910 - hobbit_king - Sun Sep 2, 2001 6:59pm

Sorry, that would be a "YES". I forgot, I'm a Hobbit not a Leprechaun. Damn Peter Jackson to Mordor. I feel so confused. Where's Frodo when you need him?

2912 - Shrsholn - Sun Sep 2, 2001 7:30pm

Hobbits Gone Wild!!!
-See what really goes on when jiggy little buggers have had way, WAY TOO MUCH to drink!
-See what really happens when fuzzy little guys hook up with way-spooky, murderous wenches!!
-See the infamous 'Hobbiter' position in graphic detail!!!

Only 20 GP...Order now!!!
...
But wait!
...act within the next 30 second, and get three, yes, that's 3!!! tapes of good hobbits gone bad, for only 44 GP -- Order now!!!

[You must be a human age 21 years or older; an elf 15 years or older; a dwarf age 08 or older; and hobbits of any age, should not view this product under any circumstances]

---

["How'd you know I smoked unfiltered Dromedaries, pooky?"]

2921 - hobbit_king - Mon Sep 3, 2001 0:38am

[The Fat Dwarf Farmer]

"After all, Dragons take what they want. Does little good quarreling with Dragons. I mean, if I had some fine turnips, all the Dragon would have to do is step on me, and then tell folks he inherited the turnips from me when I died. I don't think whoever investigates these things would bother looking on the bottoms of the Dragon's feet and ask, 'Hey, who's this fellow you stepped in?' I mean, even if the dragon wasn't smiling...."

[The Tall Skinny One Eared Elf]

"Uh Huh." No one paying attention to the dwarf's story.

[The Large Hulking Orc]

"Perhaps Shipy bumped his head," Baelbart offered. "What is he thinking, trying to make time with Shrsholn. Maybe if we hit him with a brick he'd get better."

[The Tall Skinny One Eared Elf]

"How would Shipy get better if we hit him with a brick?" asked Morgabelli the elf.

[The Large Hulking Orc]

"It couldn't hurt," he replied.

[The Fat Dwarf Farmer]

"Idiot... everyone one knows you hit Hobbits with rocks not bricks...geesh!"

{Across the room at the bar.}

[[Shipy]] "And, may I say Shrs, if I were not drunk, there's still no other chic I'd rather be with than yourself. And I'm not just telling you that because you enjoy hearing such things... Though yourself you maybe, you yourself, others would wish themselves to be yourself, and such selves as these are considered lucky selves indeed, though they selflessly think themselves selfless, but are actually themselves wishing to be yourself. I just made a good guess about the unfiltered Dromedaries. How did know my nic name was pooky?"

2929 - Shrsholn - Mon Sep 3, 2001 3:09pm

They were all done-up in their battle regalia, sporting their clan symbols in the most spectaucular rainbowed gold.

A real sight to see.

One swaggered up to the bar, and grabbing his bootstraps, levitated up to the barstool he'd selected.

"A tankard of the black stuff, mate!", he boomed.

This one had a jem-encrusted patch on his right eye, and he was thoroughly scarred-up.

Shippy and he made eye contact at about the same time, but neither said anything, and nothing came of it -- or so I thought...

One of the orc brothers returned from the head to find his seat taken by a red-haired dwarven warrior, but he seemed to let it slide, for the time being. Editor's note: Obviously this is not one of the Dracon orc brothers, as they aren't in this adventure... yet!

All in all, the tension in the tavern rose a bit, and my cigarette was fast fading.

<'Hmm...this looks less than promising...'>, I thought to myself.

"Shippy, is the store room well stocked?", I asked, leading him by the collar of his shetland-pony Polo shirt. (You should have seen him wearing that jockey hat...precious!)

2933 - hobbit_king - Mon Sep 3, 2001 6:25pm

I glanced around the bar one last time, ignoring the dwarf and entered the store room with Shrsholn. It wasn't like I had anything to worry about. It wasn't like she was planning anything devious or anything. Just a good time. The store room was filled with shelves of goods with a stairs leading down to the basement. I turned to face Shrsholn and puckered my lips as only a Hobbit can.

[[OOC: Shrsholn, just so you know the Orc brother's actually do exist, and both post at the BFT. One is the founder of this club and the other is the one who manages the T&T Archives. There names at the club are Tarandracon and Jaxdracon. And there is a limit of one Orc joke per post. So these two Orc brothers walk into a bar and the bartender says can you spell hobbit? {edited out by the founder}.]]

2934 - Shrsholn - Mon Sep 3, 2001 9:12pm

"Shipy! Snap out of it! We're in for a pretty bad set of evenings here in the Tavern if we don't get these dwarves out of town on the next...well, really soon at any rate."

He looked quizically, his lips still puckered-up, ballancing precariously on his tippie-toes...

"Oh, okay...<smack>, better?" I asked.

He nodded in the affirmative, but then a commotion in the commons cut short planning time...

2947 - tarandracon - Tue Sep 4, 2001 10:42am

[[Shrsholn]]
One of the orc brothers returned from the head to find his seat taken by a red-haired dwarven warrior, but he seemed to let it slide, for the time being.

[[hobbit_king]]
[[OOC: Shrsholn, just so you know the Orc brother's actually do exist, and both post at the BFT. One is the founder of this club and the other is the one who manages the T&T Archives. There names at the club are Tarandracon and Jaxdracon.

[[continued next post]]

2948 - tarandracon - Tue Sep 4, 2001 10:43am

[[ok, now REALLY continued next post]]

2951 - hobbit_king - Tue Sep 4, 2001 1:35pm

2952 - Shrsholn - Tue Sep 4, 2001 2:18pm

[Editor's Note: A reference to the dubious orc brothers' appearance in the Blue Frog Tavern.]

Things were getting very unpleasant.

The ominous ability of orc-brothers to appear and disappear in the tavern; then a narrator's voice entering my mind...none of this was what I imagined would befall me the morning after...

"Shipy, I think I'd better go outside and get some fresh air. I'm starting to hear voices...", I said as I grabbed a small kitchen knife from the back, and then proceeded to walk out...

2953 - Shrsholn - Tue Sep 4, 2001 2:23pm

I thought to myself, I'm not certain, but I think we're engaged.

[Like a transmission]

Scouting about outdoors gave me a keener sense of the danger the town was facing.
If the Styxtrene Temple were attacked, it probably would cause old meanie herself to dispatch troops, if not mages, to deal with the uprising. And militias stationed in your rotten, thieving town doesn't make for good business...that is unless you've got a tavern...

2958 - eickeric - Tue Sep 4, 2001 7:09pm

And militias stationed in your rotten, thieving town doesn't make for good business...that is unless you've got a tavern

2961 - Shrsholn - Tue Sep 4, 2001 10:06pm

"You've forgotten the tattoo parlors and ethnic restaurants,"

"Brilliant!" I thought, "I'm ethnic, and pretty handy with the tat-gun...now to set-up shop in the Tavern."

"Shipy, I've got another proposition for ya..."

2964 - hobbit_king - Wed Sep 5, 2001 6:29pm

"Let me tell you about the hobbit playboy named Jimbob Huggins, who lived in a fabulous three-story mansion, feeling bored with his pampered life, so he hires this wizard Gandalf to find him an exciting adventure. Gandalf reluctantly tells him about a group of dwarves who are trying to recover their ancient home from the evil dragon, Smog (so named because he breathes clouds of poisonous smoke instead of fire). When Jimbob happily accepts the adventure, Gandalf is distraught, knowing that the quest is one of almost certain death, and Gandalf promised Jimbob's grandfather, Jerry Took, to look after his wayward descendant. Jimbob greets the thirteen dwarves, Balin, Dwalin, Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin, Ori, Nori, Dori, Sneezy, Dopey, Doc, and Thorin, and throws them a big party. Gandalf reveals a map and key he got from Thorin's father, Grumpy, at a party the wizard Saruman was holding at his tower, Barad-dûr."

"They next day they set out for the mountain resort and spa, Riverdale, the last stop before many miles of untamed wilderness. Before they can reach Riverdale, however, they are captured one night by three evil trolls, Tom, Bert and Mike. The trolls decide to cook and eat the dwarves, but Gandalf throws his voice, making Mike think the other two trolls are making fun of how ugly his common-law wife is. This makes the trolls argue all night until the sun comes up, when the trolls get stoned, and the dwarves are able to make their escape."

Continued to next post-->

2965 - hobbit_king - Wed Sep 5, 2001 6:30pm

"After a weekend stop over in Riverdale, the party crosses over the Mountains of Myst, but are captured by goblins. The party escapes, but Jimbob gets separated from the group and finds himself at the back door of the Mines of Moria. There he meets the frog-man, Gollum, on the shore of a vast underground sea. They have a short joke-swapping competition, and at the end, Gollum gives Jimbob a magical ring that can make him invisible as a prize. Jimbob then forces Gollum to show him the way out of the mountains at sword point."

"Jimbob luckily finds the dwarves and they continue on their journey, until they reach the house of the evil werewolf, Björn, who tries to kill them, and he sends his great pack of wolves out to hunt the dwarves down. They escape into the dark and magical forest of Mirkwood, although when they reach safety, they find out that Gandalf is no longer there. Afraid to go back and look for him, they continue on."

"As they travel through the forest, they come to a magical river (they can tell it is magical, because the water is pink.) Luckily there is a boat on the banks which they can use to cross, but Dopey decides to swim across instead. He promptly falls asleep. This really angers the dwarves, cause Dopey is a fat sack of dead weight, and they have to haul his ass through the forest for thirty miles or so before he wakes up. He tells them about the dreams he had of voluptuous dwarven women, and the dwarves become even more angry, because they haven't seen any women for weeks (and they must have been really desperate to want dwarven women, because dwarven women are bearded....). They are attacked by giant spiders, but the dwarves manage to kill the spiders. After killing the spiders, a group of elves arrest them for poaching (the spiders were part of a nature reserve, and elves are rabid environmentalists). The elves take them back to their king, Thingol, and he locks them in his dungeons in the elven city of Menegroth."

"Jimbob was not captured, however. He used his magical ring and eventually freed the dwarves, and they escaped through the sewers of Menegroth. They built a raft, and floated down river to the Lake-side town of Escargot. There they buy supplies and head to Mt. Erebus, the lair of Smog. Using the map and key of Grumpy, they find a back door into the mountain, and Jimbob pisses off Smog by stealing a beer stein from his hoard. Smog attacks Escargot in revenge, but is slain by the great warrior, Brad. Brad then marches north with an army to sue the dwarves for property damage, and Thingol decides to join him (he really liked those spiders). Thorin summons his cousin, Dain from the Steel Mountains, and just as a battle is about to break out, Gandalf appears unexpectedly, warning them that Björn and his evil wolves are to attack. The elves, dwarves , and humans join together to destroy the evil shape-shifter, and his bloodthirsty pack of wolves, the Wargs. In the battle, Thorin is killed, and Dain is proclaimed king of Erebus. Peace is negotiated between the three races, and they all live happily ever after. Jimbob returns to his home in Wickshire, and after a few years Gandalf and Balin visit him. The book ends as they happily reminice about the adventures while smoking Cuban cigars."

Shrsholn gives me one of her famous quizzical looks as if to ask if there was a point to my story. There was of course.

"I need to buy some more cigars, I'm all out. Anyhoo, what's the proposition Shrs, and how much clothes do I have to take off?" I winked at Shrsholn waiting to hear her proposition. I knew I was probably off base, but then again all my bases were off.

2967 - Shrsholn - Wed Sep 5, 2001 11:00pm

Who was he kidding, puh-lease!

"My first plan of defeating the dwarves through trickery and cunning met you with all the enthusiasim of a plummer at a proctologist's convention, but this new one -- I'm telling you, you're going to love it...", I baited him.

"We capitalize on the mayhem that the dwarves have caused in their retaliation. Don't you see? The militia from Khazan, the beer sales...?!"

Shipy looked at me quizically, the way that only most people look at me, except for my invisible friend, that is...

"What harm have they caused except to get you outside with a butterknife?", the Hobbit(TM) asked, with some justification.

<'Think girl, think...'>

"Well...they, uh..., they -- made imposter orc-brothers appear ... in an attempt to ...uh, fool you into handing over the deed to the Blue Frog to them. Those clever bastages!"

Oh yeah, I was good..!

2996 - hobbit_king - Tue Sep 11, 2001 4:18pm

2998 - eickeric - Tue Sep 11, 2001 8:25pm

"You've forgotten the tattoo parlors and ethnic restaurants.", said a passing Samurai.

'Brilliant!'

'I'm ethnic,

"Shipy, I've got another proposition for ya..."

[[Shipy]] I give the passing Samurai named Erik' a quick single finger salute when he's not looking.

Damn Samurai's, they were always stealing my thunder with odd quip's.

Who did he think he was...

raising one eye brow as only a Hobbit can.

"Well the tale your telling seem not understandable in common tongue.

2999 - eickeric - Tue Sep 11, 2001 8:46pm

[[Shipy]] "What I don't understand is why Hobbit's don't ever mobilize?

I remember back when a good banana peel could solve about anything.

Now it's just kill, main, hack, slash and slaughter..... boring.

plus I figure the comedy relief always survives."

"At least us hobbit's have one thing going for us, we can tell the good guys from the bad guys.

Let's see, big, mean, hairy, bad teeth, foul breath, called Eric, ugly, carrying a red sword...yup, must be evil... heh heh heh."

3028 - hobbit_king - Sat Sep 15, 2001 4:10pm

3029 - Shrsholn - Sat Sep 15, 2001 8:33pm

The seconds ticked on.

"Okay, how about a list of things that need to be done around the Tavern to prepare it for the seige? You said the supplies were all in order. Do you have enough bananas?", I offered, hoping to stir his interest.

I was begining to see why Hobbs usually are attacked in the first place, and why when you hear heroic tales of Hobbs, they are really only sneaking around, and hiding, and letting other folks make all the decisions...In short, I was beginning to see the advantages of having a Hobb so enamored with my kickin' figure, and dazzling personality.

Things would work out just fine...

Now all I needed was a plan...

3046 - hobbit_king - Tue Sep 18, 2001 3:23am

3047 - Shrsholn - Tue Sep 18, 2001 10:56am

I had a sliver of a plan, and it irritated my mind's eye enough to propell us to action.

"Get those banannas peeled sweets, we've got some invaders to oust!"

3085 - hobbit_king - Wed Sep 26, 2001 6:14pm

3086 - Shrsholn - Wed Sep 26, 2001 7:24pm

3133 - Shrsholn - Thu Oct 4, 2001 8:57pm

<bowing to applause>

In regard to the longgevity of the rubber chicken phenomena, I'll leave that to me esteemed collegue, Dr. Shipmund. Doctor, ...

3135 - tarandracon - Fri Oct 5, 2001 10:05pm

In regard to the longgevity of the rubber chicken phenomena, I'll leave that to me esteemed collegue, Dr. Shipmund. Doctor, ...

:)
-TD

3136 - calenril_i - Sat Oct 6, 2001 10:35pm

In regard to the longgevity of the rubber chicken phenomena, ...

3138 - hobbit_king - Sun Oct 7, 2001 6:31pm

"Longgevity" may describe rubber chicken humor, but when referring to Shipy humor, that word becomes "gong levity". ;-)

People always try to crack-wise about this hobnobbit, but after I post look at those ratings SHOOT up! And our ratings go UP and UP and UP!!!

<sings> "...and up from the GROUND came'ah Bubblin' Crude... Evil, that is...

3280 - hobbit_king - Wed Nov 28, 2001 11:33am

Yes, destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future and it was up to me to lie in it. I was destined to be a hobbit, to right wrongs and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere who were smaller and weaker than me. You don't fight a destiny that, no sir! And you don't eat crackers and jam in the bed of your future or you get all... scratchy and sticky. Hey, I'm narrating here! And so I say to those (reading my mind and this post), may evil beware wherever you are and may good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables and warm croissants.

3281 - tarandracon - Wed Nov 28, 2001 0:20pm

--td

3288 - calenril_i - Thu Nov 29, 2001 0:19pm

3289 - hobbit_king - Thu Nov 29, 2001 1:02pm

<<<"Where does he get this stuff?">>>

I've been asking myself that a lot lately, then I think "Black... black... black... black... pink... black..." and it all becomes much clearer to me. It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. See, and you thought I was just your pudgy comic relief!

"Another day in Khazan...
People die horribly...
Life goes on..."

3462 - hobbit_king - Sun Dec 30, 2001 11:58pm

Jax and I were riding in a chariot down the cobblestone road past some farms outside Khazan. We passed a cornfield where Taran was in a rowboat rowing around in the cornfield.

After a second or two Jax turned to me and says, "Shipy, did you see Taran back there rowing that boat in that cornfield?"

I of course responded, "Yes I did. Let's go find out why he is doing that."

So we turn around and went back to the cornfield and start yelling to Taran. I said Jax, "He can't hear us. Maybe you should go out there and find out why he is doing that."

In a very stern expression Jax says to me, "What, are you crazy Shipy? You know I can't swim."

"Another day in Khazan...
People die horribly...
Life goes on..."

3544 - tarandracon - Wed Jan 16, 2002 3:00pm

Shipy thinks he's had too much to drink. Or not enough.

Shrsholn raises an eyebrow, and kicks Shipy's leg under the table in attempt to stop his game of footsies.

The one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged bartender named Lucky looks a bit puzzled, and vows to ask Jack about it.

"As some of you may know we gather here to have all sorts of fun," begins the pig.

Beezer1st notices the strange glances from the rest of the patrons, and wonders what's so weird about a talking pig.

"Currently there's talk of a couple of high-falootin' mid-evil adventures going on around here. But this tavern is big enough for tall tales about any kind of adventure, whether it's right here in the Zweets Streets of Khazan," he snorts, paying his respects to the current occupying invaders of Khazan, "or adventures in space, or even private eye exploits of a mercenary nature."

Lucky looks puzzled, and seeing this, the pig points to the charter on the wall:

"The Blue Frog Tavern: This tavern is assembled to promote discussion and adventures regarding Tunnels & Trolls, and related game systems, including, but not quite limited to: Tunnels & Trolls; Wasteland; Mercenaries, Spies and Private Eyes; and Starfaring."

(In blank ink, a line has been drawn through the "The" of "The Blue Frog Tavern".)

"Just wanted to remind you. Ah-beega-beega that's all, folks." The pig jumps off the bar, no small task for a pig with three legs, and heads back to his table, a satisfied look on his face.

Shipy sticks out his leg and trips the poor oinkard, and is summarily carted off to jail for cruelty toward animals. For having kicked Shipy under the table, Shrsholn is arrested for the same crime.

[we now return you to your regularly scheduled Yahoo! Club soon to be Yahoo! Group. "Wakka wakka!"

All in good fun,
tarandracon,
Founder]

3550 - Shrsholn - Wed Jan 16, 2002 7:24pm

Shrsh'

p.s. My lawyer springs me ASAP, and I'm back before Throst can enjoy the moment.

xox

3552 - hobbit_king - Wed Jan 16, 2002 7:54pm

<<<A pig like that you don't eat all at once...no, I'm not talking about Shipy. Shrsh'>>>

"If I were human, I believe my response would be 'Go to hell.' If I were human."

3553 - titania_the_kickbutt_fairy - Wed Jan 16, 2002 8:55pm

3554 - Shrsholn - Wed Jan 16, 2002 9:09pm

Shrsh'

3555 - hobbit_king - Wed Jan 16, 2002 9:22pm

Editor's note: I can only assume something happened offline that caused Shipy and Shrsholn's falling out. It wasn't evident from the text of this side-adventure!

3556 - hobbit_king - Wed Jan 16, 2002 9:32pm

Moments later I was tossed into a Khazan cell like a dwarf tossing competition at a local tavern.

3557 - hobbit_king - Wed Jan 16, 2002 10:45pm

I walked over to the cell bars pressed my face against them. And began to sing as only a real Hobbit can.

"I hear the troll a comin'; it's rollin' 'round the bend,
And I ain't seen the sunshine since a half past 10.
I'm stuck at Khazan Prison and time keeps draggin' on.
But that troll keeps rollin' on down around the pen."

"When I was just a baby, my mama told me, "Son,
Always be a good boy; don't ever play with Orc's."
But I stole from an Orc in Khazan, just to watch him cry.
When I hear that dinner whistle blowin' I hang my head and cry."

"I bet there's rich folk eatin' in a fancy food.
They're prob'ly drinkin' coffee and smokin' big cigars,
But I know I had it comin', I know I can't be free,
But those people keep a movin' in and out of my cell,
And that's what tortures me."

"Well, if they freed me from this prison,
I bet I'd move on over a little farther down the line,
Far from Khazan Prison, that's where I'd want to stay,
Near the Blue Frog Tavern,
And I'd let that Dark Swill drown my blues away."

3558 - Shrsholn - Wed Jan 16, 2002 11:12pm

p.s. This just means he really cares, folks.
:-)

3559 - hobbit_king - Thu Jan 17, 2002 0:17am

<<<A might touchy these days, I see <snip>/Dumb as rocks in fact, to continue this banter with you <snip>/I'm also a self depreciating whore <snip>/ Shrsh'>>>

p.s. This just means she won't shut up.

3560 - Shrsholn - Thu Jan 17, 2002 0:31am

3561 - hobbit_king - Thu Jan 17, 2002 0:54am

<<<ink <snip>/iss <snip>/ Shrs>>>

3562 - Shrsholn - Thu Jan 17, 2002 1:08am

3563 - hobbit_king - Thu Jan 17, 2002 1:13am

<<<-)>>>

3564 - Shrsholn - Thu Jan 17, 2002 1:40am

(-:

3565 - Shrsholn - Thu Jan 17, 2002 1:42am

3566 - hobbit_king - Thu Jan 17, 2002 1:53am

3567 - titania_the_kickbutt_fairy - Thu Jan 17, 2002 11:25am

3568 - freya_dragonbane - Thu Jan 17, 2002 1:49pm

3569 - hobbit_king - Thu Jan 17, 2002 2:07pm

<<<**POOF**Stepping from a puff of smoke a tall, scantilly clad, and delightfully curvacious, blonde walks over to the hobbit and runs her fingers thru his hair "How is my favorite hobbit these days you seem a might tense, how can I be of help?">>>

--------------------->

**Gulps thinking hubba hubba wowzers** Umm, Freya... is that you? Holy smollies... **looks up at her with lost puppy dog eyes** "Well, I am in a bit of a pickle so to speak, a fix, a jam, between a rock and a hard spot. Yes, I'm very tense. I had a cell mate that was getting on my last noive. **reaches into my pocket pulling out a jellybean offering it to Freya** "You can tell a lot about a person’s character by their way of eating jellybeans you know. So.. you going to spring me? Prison doesn't seem to agree with me. Maybe its the clothes. Black and white stripes makes me look short.. ter."

3570 - titania_the_kickbutt_fairy - Thu Jan 17, 2002 2:16pm

3573 - freya_dragonbane - Thu Jan 17, 2002 3:45pm

[Editor's Note: While posts 3573, 3575 and 3576 were written later than 3571, they take place chronologically, here.]

**Kneeling down before the hobbit she opens her mouth to accept the profferred treat, she sucks it in and slowly dissolves it savoring the sweetness**
"As for delivering you from this place I'm afaid I can't as my existence in this dimension might send it into some alternate doo-hickey thingy-majig... well thats what I read about somewhere,
Anyway I just wanted to lend an ear to a friend or whatever"
She winks a sly wink at the hobbit

3575 - Shrsholn - Thu Jan 17, 2002 3:54pm

[Cold shower scene, coming right up]

/Re-e-e-e, e-e-e-e, !/
A scream, the shower curtain pulled off its hangers, shampoo swirling down the drain

"Norman, I told you to knock next time!"
(-:

3576 - hobbit_king - Thu Jan 17, 2002 4:26pm

<<<**Kneeling down before the hobbit she opens her mouth to accept the profferred treat, she sucks it in and slowly dissolves it savoring the sweetness** "As for delivering you from this place I'm afaid I can't as my existence in this dimension might send it into some alternate doo-hickey thingy-majig... well thats what I read about somewhere, Anyway I just wanted to lend an ear to a friend or whatever" She winks a sly wink at the hobbit.>>>

----------------------------->

"Mmmmm," I say with more than a little interest, watching the beguiling Freya savor the flavor of da' jellybean. "Awww, well okay.. I understand Freya.. hickey's are bad.. er, I mean doo-hickey's are bad." I smile. "I'm glad you came to visit me."

3571 - tarandracon - Thu Jan 17, 2002 2:21pm

[[Shrsholn and hobbit_king only THINK it's over...]]

The scene: Khazan jail. The three-legged pig, with his leg in a bandage from his fall, follows Shipy and Shrsholn to the Khazan jail. Once Shrsholn is incarcerated, her lawyer arrives to spring her out of jail.

Unfortunately, the pig accidentally gets underfoot and the lawyer [[who fails a L1SR vs Dex]] steps on the poor pig. He is arrested for cruelty to animals and is thrown into jail, too.

Shipy looks at Shrholn's lawyer and laughs happily. Shrsholn's lawyer looks at Shrsholn and laughs nervously. The pig looks at the three of them and laughs painfully as a team of pig conservationists tend to his latest injury. Shrsholn looks at the camera and laughs a "why me?" laugh. She thought Shipy was the comic relief, and here she was, a victim of a demented narrator's mind.

The three cell mates spend the night sneering at each other. When morning breaks (ow!) the three have finally collapsed asleep in separate corners. They are awakened with the opening of the cell door. It's Throst. He reports that he got quite upset after having been left out of the initial scene, so he started a fight with the narrator and was thrown into jail.

For breakfast, all 4 are served a meager portion of bacon and sausage. A two legged pig drags himself through the jail cell to post bail for Throst. He says to the hobbit and his footsies partner, "Hey, it's a rough life, sure, but the pay is good."

[[But wait, the story has a happy ending. Just when all seems lost for our main characters, the narrator realizes he could be spending his creative energy on the play-by-post games he's already in, so he forces a deus ex machina on the four cell mates...]]

Suddenly, without warning, and taking them completely by surprise, a temporal vortex opens and sucks Shrsholn and Shipy into it. For a minute, they think they've just landed a guest spot on Sliders, until they realize that show was cancelled a few years ago, and why would anyone want to guest star on it anyway after they killed off Arturo. The vortex drops them off in the middle of the Blue Frog Tavern, where they see themselves sitting at a table, Shipy trying to play footsies. The pig gives his speech, and history is played out before them. They wait a few minutes, then stroll back to their table as if nothing ever happened.

Lucky the bartender brings them their BBQ pork sandwiches as their temporal past selves had ordered. Shipy looks under the bun and jokes, "Where's the beef?" Lucky says, "Sillee hobbit, this is a pork sandwich. And," he finishes, walking off, "it's under the pickle."

[fade to black, play end credits]

3572 - tarandracon - Thu Jan 17, 2002 2:22pm

:)

--td

[Editor's Note: In addition to figuring out Freya's guest appearance, how about we figure out if she was an hallucination or not, seeing as she didn't make it into the intended wrap-up post, 3571?]

3574 - Shrsholn - Thu Jan 17, 2002 3:48pm

Thanks Taran, that was kinda, uh, fun. :-}
Mebby Freya was edited out in the loop-back...

Anywho...more grim gaming to do

Tra-la-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la-la
(where's that blasted smurf singing from?!)
-Shrsh'

3577 - jaxdracon - Thu Jan 17, 2002 5:46pm

<<[[tarandracon]] For a minute, they think they've just landed a guest spot on Sliders, until they realize that show was cancelled a few years ago, and why would anyone want to guest star on it anyway after they killed off Arturo.>>

3578 - throst54 - Thu Jan 17, 2002 9:54pm

>>>Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have two members on happy drugs. ;)

--Throst

3579 - throst54 - Thu Jan 17, 2002 9:58pm

>>>>Shipy looks at Shrholn's lawyer and laughs happily. Shrsholn's lawyer looks at Shrsholn and laughs nervously. The pig looks at the three of them and laughs painfully as a team of pig conservationists tend to his latest injury. Shrsholn looks at the camera and laughs a "why me?" laugh. She thought Shipy was the comic relief, and here she was, a victim of a demented narrator's mind.

3580 - throst54 - Thu Jan 17, 2002 10:02pm

shrsh>>>Tra-la-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la-la
(where's that blasted smurf singing from?!)

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